1998

Competition No 3557

We want business euphemisms for 1999.

 

Higher productivity

Shut up and get on with your work.

Dynamic management style

Snort more cocaine.

Modern labour relations

No mass meetings.

Good relations with the unions

Whisky for the full-time official.

Intelligent management

She can do the Evening Standard junior crossword.

Boardroom reshuffle

Stab an old friend in the back.

Health and safety is the first priority

It’ll only be a fine.

Globalisation

A good excuse for just about anything.

Pursuit of legitimate interests

Screw the bastards.

We are an Equal Opportunities employer

Like the police.

Aggressive marketing strategy

Nuisance phone calls.

Facing new challenges

Sell your shares now.

A rapidly increasing market

There’s one born every minute.

Genuine concern for the environment

Managers live a long way from the factory.

Hands-off proprietor

He’s in jail.