• 2005: No 3872


    Competition No 3872

    You are poet laureate; give us verses to celebrate Charles and Camilla’s nuptials.


    The Prince’s Weddin’


    ’E was warned agin’ ’er –

    Mother just said No;

    Now they’re getting’ married

    The old girl won’t go.

    Says it’s much too common,

    Usin’ the Town-Hall;

    Can’t have royal weddin’s

    Free for one an’ all.


    Yawn at the Prince’s weddin’ –

               Give ’em one yawn more!

    Polo ponies in the lando

               An’ a clown is married to a bore.


    The ’ole nation’s watchin’ –

    It’s on the TV;

    Now Camilla’s like Di

    A ce-le-bri-ty!

    She’ll make such a good wife,

    No more on the shelf;

    Squeezin’ out ’is toothpaste –

    Can’t do it ’imself.


    Yawn etc.


    ’Arry’s got ’is armband

    Like great-uncle Ted;

    ’E may be a Nazi –

    Good job ’e ain’t Red!

    Others seem more tactful –

    Think of Charlie’s Dad;

    Soon she’ll find the ’ole gang

    Are all rotten bad.


    Yawn etc.


    [After Rudyard Kipling, The Sergeant’s Weddin’]