• 2004: No 3857


    Competition No 3857

    We want apologies from famous people for their mistakes.


    As Avenging Angel in Chief I wish to apologise to all connected with the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. The phrase ‘their sin is very grievous’ was journalistic rhetoric, not intended to be taken literally. After discussion with the Boss, I recognise that it was wholly incompatible with the Equal Opportunities strategy He has now adopted. The Boss also reminded me that on such questions He alone takes the decisions.

    Having cycled round the burnt-out areas I have realised just how serious the implications of my statements were. I was profoundly shocked to hear that at a recent football game my name was chanted by supporters of Bethlehem United when the visiting team was Gomorrah FC (now relocated at Milton Keynes). I make no comment on the report in some papers that the phrase in question was coined by a junior angel. I shall not, however, be offering my resignation.


    Dearest, darling inhabitants of Tulsa,

    I wish to offer my most humble apologies to all of you, and above all to the Tourist Board of the City of Tulsa for any offence I may have given. There is, I am afraid, nothing to blame but my own self-indulgence. An experienced cyclist such as myself should not have needed to stop to rest for the  night when so close to home.

    I have grossly insulted the citizens of Tulsa, and undoubtedly discouraged many potential tourists. The people of Tulsa are warm, friendly and above all tolerant; to suggest that because  of one minor sexual indiscretion I should never dare to come home again is an utterly unfounded slander. Those intending to visit Tulsa should know that there are far more welcoming lights there than in any other city within a radius of one day’s travel.