• 2004: No 3852


    Competition No 3852

    We want the point of view of the fox, set to a well-known tune.


    D’ye ken John Peel,

    With his coat so red?

    He’s the huntmaster,

    And he wants me dead.

    But if I could compete

    On a level playing-field,

    Then I’d bite off his bollocks in the morning.


    He prates and he spouts

    All about democracy;

    But it ain’t democratic,

    As far as I can see,

    When there’s two hundred dogs

    But there’s only one of me

    And they tear off my bollocks in the morning.


    He’s off on the demo

    To assert the people’s will,

    But while he’s away

    All his chickens I shall kill;

    For that’s my “Way of Life”

    And it gives me a thrill

    Just to chew off their bollocks in the morning.


    They whinge and they grumble

    And Tony Blair they blame,

    But if I don’t turn up

    Well – ain’t that a shame?

    For like Andy Flintoff

    I’ve withdrawn from the game,

    I’ll hang on to my bollocks in the morning.