2003

Competition No 3766

Denis MacShane wrote in the NS: “The art of reporting describing and telling the story [in newspapers] has been sacrificed on the altar of opinion and pontification.” We want examples.

 

LEFTIST MOB FREES PERVERT

Violence hit France yesterday as a mob of so-called  ‘anti-feudalist’ protesters attacked the Bastille jail in downtown Paris. Rioters chanted politically correct slogans like ‘Equality, fraternity, liberty’. Police blamed their demand for arms on the prevailing ‘gun culture’.

Among prisoners released by the demonstrators was DAF de Sade (49), a notorious pornographer and widely believed to be a paedophile. Local residents are furious; one said: ‘It’s a disgrace; our children are not safe while he is at large.’

Queen Marie Antoinette blasted the riots as ‘wicked beyond belief’. Antoinette recently made headlines for ‘I’m a Queen, Get Me Out of Here’, a survival programme in which she lived as a shepherdess in her own palace gardens.

Some demonstrators blamed the riots on the Queen’s statement that those complaining of a bread shortage should eat cake. But in an undercover operation Mail reporters have discovered that bogus sans-culotte Georges Grosventre has eaten at least three cakes a day for the  last fortnight.

Sources close to the King last night dismissed speculation that the riots could threaten the monarchy. Opinion polls show that the monarchy is highly popular and that only a tiny unrepresentative minority favour abolition.