2001

Competition No 3698

We wanted updated warning à la Hilaire Belloc for the modern child.

 

Matilda

WHO TOLD LIES ON HER MOBILE, AND PAID THE PRICE

 

Matilda told such Dreadful Lies,

It made one Gasp and Stretch one’s Eyes;

And worse – which made her Auntie groan,

She told them on her Mobile Phone.

She showed a Scant Regard for Truth,

When rabiting to Jane and Ruth;

There scarcely ever was a Fact,

As on and on Matilda yacked.

And if her mates weren’t on the line,

She simply called up nine-nine-nine;

For they were very Friendly Folks,

And always suckers for a Hoax.

 

Alas, she spread so many Rumours,

Her head was soon choked up with Tumours.

She was in quite Atrocious Pain;

The silly girl had fried her Brain.

But when she tried to call the Doc,

Matilda got an Awful Shock;

You should have heard her Screams and Bawls,

The line was blocked with nuisance calls.

Doc came at last to operate,

But soon pronounced: ‘It is too late,

I fear the child is mortally ill.’

- She left her Aunt to pay the Bill.

 

OR

 

Henry Jebb

WHO SURFED THE NET, AND PERISHED MISERABLY

 

The Chief Defect of Henry Jebb,

Was surfing on the World Wide Web;

He’d stay awake right through the nights,

To visit ever more Websites.

But soon his Infant Conformation

Was all bunged up with Information;

From Skull to Liver and to Lights

Full up with Multimegabytes.

The Doctors came and took their Fees,

But found no Cure for his Disease.

Then just before Untimely Death

Young Henry, with his Latest Breath,

Cried ‘Oh, my Friends, be warned by me,

To read the Sun, and watch TV

Is all the Human Brain requires…’

With that, the Wretched Child expires.