2000

Competition No 3644

Shakespeare adapted by WS Gilbert.

 

In his castle in Elsinore once a young Dane

Said: ‘To be? Not to be? Tough question.

It’s a tricky old problem that’s racking my brain;

I ask: “To be? Not to be? Tough question.”

Should I suffer the arrows that fate shoots at me,

Or stand up against troubles as vast as the sea

And then end them by putting an end to poor me?

Oh to be? Not to be? Tough question.’

 

So he pondered his choice as he paced round the room,

Saying: ‘To be? Not to be? Tough question.

Do you wonder that I’m lost in tragic deep gloom,

Asking: “To be? Not to be? Tough question”?

To be free of life’s torment is better, I deem;

But the rub is that things may not be as they seem;

In the sleep of the grave we may still chance to dream;

Oh to be? Not to be? Tough question.’

 

As his girl-friend Ophelia came in at the door,

He said: ‘To be? Not to be? Tough question.

I can’t handle Time’s whips and its scorns any more,

So it’s: “To be? Not to be? Tough question”.

I’d be glad to get rid of this sad mortal coil,

But the afterlife threatens our prospects to spoil;

So we have to put up with the sweat and the toil;

Oh to be? Not to be? Tough question.’

 

Titwillow/The Mikado/Hamlet

OR

 

King Henry    When a poor man’s not engaged in his employment -

All                   His employment

King Henry    He doesn’t find it hard to get to sleep -

All                   Get to sleep;

King Henry    But a king’s denied such innocent enjoyment -

All                   -Cent enjoyment

King Henry    It really is enough to make you weep -

All                   Make you weep.

King Henry    The head that wears the crown will lie uneasy -

All                   Lie uneasy,

King Henry    As he thinks about the ruling to be done -

All                   To be done;

King Henry    Responsibility will make him queasy -

All                   Make him queasy,

King Henry    For a monarch’s lot is not a happy one -

All                   Happy one!

King Henry    As he thinks about the ruling to be done -

All                   To be done,

King Henry    A monarch’s lot is not a happy one -

All                   Happy one!

 

King Henry    When the ship-boy’s perched high up amid the rigging -

All                   - Mid the rigging,

King Henry    He doesn’t find it hard a nap to take -

All                   Nap to take,

King Henry    Even though the captain may give him a wigging -

All                   Him a wigging;

King Henry    So why, oh why, am I still wide awake? -

All                   Wide awake?

King Henry    Now Falstaff down the brothel is a-drinking -

All                   Is a-drinking,

King Henry    And scrounging pints of ale from my royal son -

All                   Royal son;

King Henry    Meanwhile down into the grave I am a-sinking -

All                   Am a-sinking;

King Henry    For a monarch’s lot is not a happy one -

All                   Happy one!

King Henry    As he thinks about the ruling to be done -

All                   To be done,

King Henry    A monarch’s lot is not a happy one -

All                   Happy one!

 

Pirates of Penzance/Henry IV Part II