• 1998: No 3557


    Competition No 3557

    We want business euphemisms for 1999.


    Higher productivity

    Shut up and get on with your work.

    Dynamic management style

    Snort more cocaine.

    Modern labour relations

    No mass meetings.

    Good relations with the unions

    Whisky for the full-time official.

    Intelligent management

    She can do the Evening Standard junior crossword.

    Boardroom reshuffle

    Stab an old friend in the back.

    Health and safety is the first priority

    It’ll only be a fine.


    A good excuse for just about anything.

    Pursuit of legitimate interests

    Screw the bastards.

    We are an Equal Opportunities employer

    Like the police.

    Aggressive marketing strategy

    Nuisance phone calls.

    Facing new challenges

    Sell your shares now.

    A rapidly increasing market

    There’s one born every minute.

    Genuine concern for the environment

    Managers live a long way from the factory.

    Hands-off proprietor

    He’s in jail.