• 1998: No 3556


    Competition No 3556

    We want recipes from a top chef for some of the simple meals that people today consider to be “cooking”, like reheating a prepared meal.




    Wipe bowl with damp sponge. Rip cornflake packet at end marked ‘OPEN OTHER END’. Pour flakes into bowl. Sweep surplus flakes from floor and replace in packet.

    Shake milk carton, holding thumb over aperture to prevent spillage. Estimate contents, then hold under cold tap to make up required volume. Pour on flakes.

    Fill kettle. Switch on electricity. Pour off surplus water to prevent automatic switch-off. Insert long knife into coffee jar and hack at congealed lump adhering to glass until thoroughly powdered. Pour into cup and add boiling water. Do not add milk (see above).

    Take pan. Use knife to remove remaining baked beans. Hold under tap and fill with water. Put on gas cooker. Bring to boil. Pour off excess water and relight gas.

    Take two eggs. Drop one on floor. Leave till later. Put other egg in pan of boiling water. When roughly ninety seconds are estimated to have passed, set watch timer for further two minutes. Remove egg. Detach solidified lump of egg white exuding from crack in shell and eat immediately. Place egg in egg-cup and remove top with unwiped knife, allowing liquid yolk to run onto tablecloth.